i hate sleep. I really do. to me, sleep gets in the way. it’s a hinderance and a bother and if i could just stay up all night and work and create i would. if there was a pill i could take, i’d probably take it — in mass quantities. don’t get me wrong. i love the occasional cat- or sun nap or cuddle up (which i could use right now..any takers?), but that 8 hours stuff? for the birds. the mother truckin’ birds. #adiosfelicia.
as many of you know, i’ve started shooting the pilot to brunched the series. my first real go at being the nuts and bolts of everything beginning to end — #creator #writer #producer #director #etta — and i have to say it’s been an educational process. stressful at times, but what isn’t. people have asked me, “how does it feel?” i thought i’d have a stringed necklace of neatly packed explanations to issue, but…i don’t. there’s one word that comes to mind — weird.
on the 7th of april i had 4 principal actors, my dp and his assistant, my assistant director, my script supervisor, a boom operator, my co-producers and production designer, 2 pa’s, a makeup artist, her assistant, and 2 guests that dropped by. speaking specifically about the actors, i looked around at them and thought about how a year ago, they were all just in my head. they are just voices with things to say, but now they are actually saying those things. they’re walking around on the set and uttering words that i’ve penned. the voices that kept me up until 4am are now finally saying what they’ve come to say. this weirded me out and then what could be a scary thought hit me: the dream of all of this happening…is over. i can no longer think about what they might need to say or how they’ll wiggle out of this, that, or the other (at least for this pilot.) i don’t have to. what i have to do now, is stop dreaming [about this thing] and move on to the next thing.
not gonna lie. scared the crap outta me.
for those people in life who use the threads of hope and purpose to attach commitment and excellence to the fabric of our determination, we’re constantly blazing through dreams and sections of dreams and levels of production and often find ourselves having to stop dreaming about one thing, but only because we’re DOING. at some point the celebration of what’s been done has to give way to progress as we dig deeper and find new things about which to dream and then — because we are who we are — accomplish. see, the thing is, we can’t find new dreams unless there’s room for them and we make room for new dreams by fulfilling the old ones. by kicking them outta there by way of action and followthrough.
a separate thought but slightly related, i drove past a graveyard the other day and a thought struck me. i wondered how many dreams were there. how many books were six feet deep. what cures laid beneath the earth. if there were paintings that were staling in wooden caskets. if inventions were lowered with once present and able bodies. if theories and poetry were trapped inside brains and are now stuck on the inside of lifeless lips. let’s forget the fact that life’s short for a sec, but how boring is it to just clock in to pay bills. i’m convinced that there are millions — yes, millions — of people out there who are suffocating their dreams with the mundane (or fear…) people who allow the snake of excuses to slither around what has the potential to be amazing and squeeze their aspirations so tight that they asphyxiate and rot. worse than a dream going to the grave is a dream that’s in the closed pocket of the living and able-bodied.
so now that this dream is (almost) done, i gotta find another. is there a dream that you need to kick out? .